it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
What a dumb baby whore.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
