i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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