oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
babies were throwing up all over the place
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
