he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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