bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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