I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
