lets start a swedish sibling band together
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
