remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
