my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
