True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
