If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Randomize
