You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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