He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
