Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize
