Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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