she woke up with a sticky ear
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
