i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
