Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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