my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm sobbing to NWA
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
