it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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