So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
