i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
