i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
