My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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