Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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