Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize