Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
