Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
