Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
