you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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