If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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