I cannot find my penis.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Who put my cat in the fridge?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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