Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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