His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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