I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
My breath smells like gin and sadness
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
