Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
