Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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