I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
