had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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