Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
