Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
