She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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