Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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