hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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