I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
