It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
