Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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