Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
