well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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