Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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