Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
