i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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