I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
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He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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