how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
