Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
