That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Randomize
