If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
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Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
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I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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