I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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