i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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