She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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