what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
