my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
