If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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