Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
